Lunar & Frankie: The Unpredictable Duo of Canine Chaos & Therapy

🐾 Breed: Golden Retrievers

🎾 Hobbies: High-speed zoomies, professional sock theft, structural integrity testing (chewing), synchronized napping

👩‍⚕️ Specialty: Surprise Emotional Support Attacks & Unsolicited Full-Contact Therapy

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About Us:

Hello, hoomans! We are Lunar & Frankie, the rare and elusive Golden Retriever Therapy Team, known for our boisterous energy, uncontainable enthusiasm, and complete disregard for personal space. Sightings are uncommon, but if you are lucky enough to encounter us, prepare for an intense and unforgettable therapy session.

Our methodology is simple:

✔️ Overwhelming Affection – No one leaves without at least three surprise face licks.

✔️ Deep-Pressure Therapy – Expect full-body lean-ins and unexpected lap invasions.

✔️ Instant Mood Enhancement – You won’t have a choice. You WILL be happy.

We specialize in high-intensity, paws-on treatment, ensuring that stress is eliminated through sheer force of will (and fur distribution).

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Qualifications:

🐶 Certified in Advanced Enthusiasm & Destructive Testing

🐾 PhD in Paw-sychology from the University of “Who’s a Good Dog?™”

🍗 Master’s in Detecting the Smell of Chicken at a Distance

🏅 2024 Champions of the “Most Unhinged Employees” Award

Services Provided:

🌙 Lunas Full-Contact Therapy:

A specialist in spontaneous lap therapy, Frankie offers intensive cuddles, surprise weight-bearing exercises (by sitting on you unexpectedly), and the occasional tactical headbutt for realignment purposes.

🦴 Frankie'sTail-Wagging Wellness Sessions:

Lunar is an expert in high-energy stress relief, offering enthusiastic greetings, sudden zoomie therapy, and immersive face-licking treatments. She also provides a fur exfoliation service, ensuring you leave with a fine layer of retriever glitter.

⚠️ Disclaimer: Interaction with Lunar & Frankie may result in excessive joy, uncontrollable laughter, and clothing that is now 80% golden retriever hair. Side effects may include increased happiness, a deep appreciation for chaos, and the inability to sit down without a furry intervention.

Reviews:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Came in for a knee rehab session. Left with my knee slightly better but my heart completely healed.” – Alex, Ambushed by Love

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Frankie’s deep-pressure therapy is like a weighted blanket that breathes and occasionally steals your shoes.” – Sarah, Trapped and Content

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Lunar launched a full-scale emotional support attack before I even made it to reception. 10/10, would get tackled again.” – Dr. Tom, No Longer Stressed

Booking:

You don’t book Lunar & Frankie—they book you. If you’re lucky enough to encounter them in the clinic, accept your fate. You’ll leave happier, furrier, and slightly confused about what just happened.

🐶 Chance of Encounter: Low

🐾 Impact on Your Mood: 100% guaranteed

🚨 Warning: If you have food, you are now their priority client. There is no escape.

💛 Pawsitively looking forward to derailing your day with joy! 💛

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